Values

Values guides our every decision and, therefore, our destiny. Successful people know their values and live by them. If we want the deepest level of life fulfillment, we can achieve it in only one way, and that is by deciding upon what we value most in life, what our highest values are and then committing to live by them every single day. Unfortunately this action is far too rare in today's world. Too often people have no clear idea of what's important to them. If you and I are not clear about what's most important in our lives or what we really stand for, then how can we ever expect to lay the foundation for a sense of self-esteem and have the capacity to make effective decisions? When you know what's most important to you, making a decision becomes quite simple and easy.

We need to realize that the direction of our lives is controlled by the magnetic pull of our values. They are the force in front of us, consistently leading us to make decisions that create the direction and ultimate destinations of our lives.

In our personal and professional lives, we must be clear about what is most important in our lives and decide that we will live by these values, no matter what happens. This consistency must occur regardless of whether the environment rewards us for living by our standards or not. We must live by our principles even when it "rains" even if no one gives us the support we need. The only way for us to have long term happiness is to live by our highest ideals, to consistently act in accordance with what we believe our life is truly about.

Many people know what they want to have, but have no idea of who they want to be. Getting "things" simply will not fulfill you. Only living and doing what you believe is the "right thing" will give you that sense of inner strength that we all deserve.

To value something means to place importance upon it: anything that you hold dear can be called a 'value'. Those things that are most important to you in life are referred to as life values. Life values are of two types: ends and means. So if someone were to ask you, what do you value most? You might answer "love, family, money etc." Of these love is the end value you are pursuing, in other words, the emotional state you desire. Conversely, family and money are merely means values.

The challenge in life is that most people are not clear on the difference between means and ends values and therefore, they experience a lot of pain. So often people are too busy pursuing means values that they don't achieve their true desire: their end values. The end values are those that will fulfill you, make your life rich and rewarding. Here is an example which would clearly demonstrate what is meant by means and ends values. Let’s say a man’s highest value are caring and contribution, and he chooses to become a lawyer because he once met a lawyer who really impressed him as being able to make a difference and help people through his work. As time goes by, he gets caught up in the whirlwind of practicing law and aspires to become a partner in a firm. As he pursues this position, his work takes on an entirely different focus. He begins to dominate and becomes one of the most successful man you know, yet he feels unhappy because he has no longer any contacts with the clients. His position has created a different relationship with his peers and he spends all her time in meetings ironing out protocol and procedure. He achieved his goal but missed out on life’s desire. In order to be truly happy, we must know the difference, and be sure to pursue the end itself.

While it is absolutely true that everyone are constantly motivated to move towards pleasurable emotional states, it is also true that we value some emotions more than others. For example, what are the emotional states that you value most in life? What are the emotions that will give you the most pleasure? Love or Success? Freedom or Intimacy? Adventure or Security? These are pleasurable states that we value most because these are the emotional states we will do the most to attain. What are some of the feelings that are most important for you to experience in your life on a consistent basis? It is certainly true that we probably value all these emotions, and that they are all important for us to feel. However it would be fair to say that we don’t value all of them equally. There are some emotional states that we will do more to achieve than others. Actually, we all have a hierarchy of values.

Remember, whatever your values are, they affect the direction of your life. We have all learned through our life’s experience that certain emotions give us more pleasure than others. Knowing your own values helps you to get more clarity as to why you do what you do and how you can live more consistently, but knowing the values of others is also equally important. It might be valuable to know the values of someone you are in relationship with, or somebody you are in business with. Knowing a person’s value give you a fix on their thought process and allows you to have insight into their decision making. Further knowing your own hierarchy is also equally critical because your top values are those that are going to bring you the most happiness. If you do not know your own hierarchy, you will experience what seems like an inexplicable feelings of unhappiness and emptiness.

Just as there are emotions we desire to experience because they are pleasurable and that is why we are always moving towards them, we also have a list of emotions that we will do almost anything to move away from. We must remember that any time we make a decision about what to do, our brain first evaluates whether that action can possible lead to either pleasurable or painful states. Our brain is constantly juggling, or weighing our alternatives to see what the impact may be, based upon our own value hierarchy. The relative levels of pain or pleasure we associate with certain emotions will affect all of our decisions.

Life always has a way of testing our commitment to our values. Give yourself the gift of taking hold of this force that shapes your destiny. Spend some time to understand your values and hierarchy of values so that you are able to link up with your priorities in life and build a great system of values that gives you magnificent direction in life along-with happiness and fulfillment in living by them.

To sum it up, would share the following lines from John Wooden: “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

Source : Learning from Robin Sharma and Tony Robbins