Open yourself to learning

Most of us do not care about anything in the universe as we feel that we know enough things. We probably feel pretty comfortable with how much we know, as we have routines and rituals that works pretty well for us. As we move from one year to another, we feel we have went through years of trials and errors  to  set up a business or find a job, friend , the leisure activity we love or even clothes – that fit us best and we are comfortable. So why bother with different things.

Self-preservation is a strong survival instinct. When we are threatened we tend to react strongly to defend our position and point of view. But for self-preservation we require adaptation. We have to change in-order to remain. Getting too comfortable prevents us from adapting to a changing world. The world does change and so does life. A knee pain might end your morning run. Your job may become automated. In other words, change might hit you in anyway, hence you will need to learn new things.  Because you are human, this process will be uncomfortable, and this discomfort is called growth.  You can decide to go on your own in this journey, but it is always easier to take help from a friend, parent, a mentor or a coach.

To be open to change or to learn or get coached, you need to be more open. It is much harder to actually do that especially if you have shy, cautious or defensive tendencies. You can use the following three powerful techniques for opening your mind, heart and life to change.

1.       Affirm your values: When we feel threatened, our defenses immediately go up. To protect our self-esteem, we may deny our defaults and find many in others. If your work team wins a pitch, for example, you might assume it was because of your own hard work and strategy. If you lose, though, it is natural to blame the failing on your teammates’ laziness or your client’s lack of vision.

While this self-serving bias may leave our ego intact, it does not let us learn from the experience. But there is a way to counteract this ego protecting instinct. It is called self- affirmation. By affirming your core values, you minimize the effects of temporary blows to the ego. This type of self-affirmation consists of recognizing and reminding yourself of the qualities that make you who you are and that are most important to you: your family, your capacity for kindness, your creativity, your faith etc. You are affirming a deeper place than just your ego. Through self-affirmation people can anchor their sense of self in their broader view of the self as good and there is less need to defend against the threat. Rather they can focus on the demands of the situation, setting aside the need to protect their ego. Few illustrations of affirmation or affirmation statement which you can use or

develop for yourself are:

·         Happiness is my goal, so I let go EVERYTHING that does not serve my happiness!

·         The past influences today and my future days only in positive ways!

·         Every day, in every way, I just keep getting better!

·         I focus on my life purpose. I take care in making forward strides!

·         When you give, you show your appreciation to the source of all things!

·         Free from boundaries that limit our perspective and understanding, we discover that our awareness is the awareness of the universe!

·         I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way!

·         Today I am opening new doors to life

·         When one door closes, another one opens. I always have access to the One Infinite source!

·         I lovingly forgive myself. I am free!

2.       Be compassionate with yourself: You need to be warm, friendly, intelligent, and likable and mature when you are given a feedback. It is natural that when individual feedback is given to a group of people, many in the group will take the same in stride and are willing to accept the comments on their personalities. But plenty of others are angered and upset by the comments, rebelling against the idea that they might be simply average. They start blaming the evaluation system, the reviewers rather than their own personalities. People who are high on self-compassion are not threatened by the feedback, they would accept and admit having flaws along with strengths- they are open. People low in self-compassion, however lacked this emotional resiliency.

Self-compassion means gentleness with yourself. We think that if we speak critically to ourselves, we will improve, however all the research shows with absolute certainty that self-criticism does not improve performance. It blocks your ability to learn from the situation and creates a stress response in which fight or flight are your only options. Personal growth is not on the menu when you are self-critical. With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we would give to a good friend. Self-compassion involves:

·         Self-kindness instead of self judgement. If you are open to your shortcomings, then you are open to growth.

·         Feelings of common humanity instead of isolation. We should see our imperfections, struggles and suffering as part of the shared human condition so we can see our own weaknesses from a broad, forgiving place. Your flaws connect you to all other humans.

·         Mindfulness instead of over identification. Try to hold your experiences in balanced awareness rather than ignoring or exaggerating your pain.  When you over-identify with certain feelings, you can get swept away by negativity or caught up in your ego.

Take a moment every morning to say a kind word to yourself; to recognize your

connection to the pulsing, imperfect humanity around you and to practice mindfulness,

whether through meditation, yoga or running.

3.      

Try new and different stuff: Once you have practiced self-affirmation and self-compassion, you can put your openness to use. One step: Talk to strangers. Studies suggest that the more social interaction we have with fellow commuters, store clerks, neighbors, and familiar people in your office – the happier and more satisfied we feel with our day. You can also check out appreciating work of arts and sculptures, this helps you become more observant. Also take new lessons: Learning – whether it is a guitar, a keyboard, a language, rock-climbing, and running – builds and preserves cognitive function.

Always be growing and challenging yourself and seeking new opportunities, it prevents us from getting too comfortable. Above all, ask for help and guidance to do these things. We human need each other.

Source : Reading of the works of  Patty Onderko, Life coach in Success Magazine 

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