Fearlessness

We were born to be fearless. We do not inherit fear from our ancestors. It is not an instinctive reaction, nor is it necessary for survival. One minute we can be fearless, and in the next we can learn to be fearful. For the moment let us put aside the question of whether fear has any value. The issue at hand is whether it is inborn or acquired behavior.

A parallel is drawn to explain why fear can be categorized as acquired behavior. 1. A child has no fear of spiders until she is taught to be afraid by her mother. Her first reaction to them is the instinctive one.  2. A child is afraid of the ocean, not the water itself. You can see the same child happily splashing bath water all over on numerous occasions. He must have learned to be afraid of the ocean but he has an ability to get rid of this fear in a short time. This definitely indicates a learned behavior and not an instinctive one.

The important difference is that learned behaviors, automatic or not, are capable of being unlearned or modified very quickly, whereas instinctive behaviors can only be suppressed, amplified, or redirected. Breathing is instinctive while breathing rates are learned. Eating is instinctive while food choices are learned. The urges to get warm when you are cold, get cool when you are hot, seek security when you feel insecure, or move toward or repeat pleasurable experiences, and move away from or avoid unpleasant or painful experiences are all part of human beings list of instinctive behaviors.

It is a fact, supported by research, experiments and experience, that fears can be unlearned, often quickly, without suppression, amplification or redirection. This alone puts them into the learned behavior category. We learn fear due to three vital factors: a) Self-doubt; b) Memory of pain; c) Expectation of pain.

Self-Doubt

 

Self-doubt is the most important factor, for without it fear does not occur. Self-doubt is also learned behavior. Basically, self-doubt is born when an individual interprets a feeling or sensation as meaning that one has lost contact with their source of power or love. To the degree that this interpretation is repeated with similar feelings or sensations it becomes learned and automatic behavior.

Memories of Pain

Memories of pain are present in everyone, but everyone is not affected by them in the same way. Fear is born - and eventually learned - when self-doubt is present at the time a painful experience occurs because, due to the self-doubt, an expectation of pain arises under any stimulus that resembles the original pain.

Memories of painful experience

Fear only arises in this case when a new experience reminds us of a previous painful experience and we have an expectation of another painful experience because we do not know what to do.

It does not matter if we have self-doubt, or painful memories, or fear of anything whatsoever. We learned how to act one way, however we can teach ourselves how to act differently. Self-doubt can be erased by teaching ourselves over and over and over again to trust in ourselves. To trust, not that nothing bad will ever happen, but that whatever happens we will be able to cope, and that more good things will happen than bad. The future is never fixed, but now is the moment of power. What we do and how we think in the present moment may not control the future, but it has more influence on the future than anything else. There is no fear without self-doubt. Self-doubt begins with a decision. It can end with a decision, too. To move from self-doubt to confidence, you need to embrace fearlessness.  We are our best selves when we are confident. Some of the benefits of confidence are the ability to be yourself, possessing greater courage, speaking your mind, feeling good about yourself, staying calm despite unfavorable circumstances, and having greater appeal as a friend or a mate. Confidence is byproduct of fearlessness. Hence, fearlessness is stronger than confidence. If you do not fear anything, you will naturally be confident, because a lack of confidence is primarily caused by fear of rejection, danger, or failure.

Fearlessness enables people to do unbelievable things like climb skyscrapers, launch their body across the goal line, and most importantly, boldly live their ideal life! Most people wanting to be more confident will aim directly for confidence, however they could have better success by aiming for fearlessness. In many ways, it’s a more direct approach to being more confident. When you try to be confident, you’re attempting to build yourself higher than your fears in “I can do this” kind of way.

Imagine you see a celebrity standing next to you and you want to talk to him/her, but you aren’t confident enough. To try to gain confidence at this point is going to be very difficult. Confidence comes from within, so it takes time to improve your baseline confidence. Though there are some in the moment strategies like confident body language that can physiologically increase your confidence. But what if you attempted to conquer your fears as a way to become more confident?

To conquer fear, you should first address your fear of rejection. The celebrity might respond negatively to you. If you ask him/her out, they might say no. He/she could laugh at you and embarrass you. However, these rejection scenarios are only scary or embarrassing for like 10 seconds. Can you not handle that as a worst case scenario? Are you going to let yourself be scared of 10 seconds of awkwardness or discomfort? This applies to any possible rejection scenario, from asking for a raise, to asking for a job, to asking for a financial help.

Second, you should address the fear of failure. The fear of failure is a level above the fear of rejection, and involves longer term evaluation of what the rejection means. You might feel that this one instance of rejection is representative of your asking for a job. You might feel like this job is the only job available for you, and if they do not give you a job, then all hope is lost. 

The fear of failure can be dissolved with some logic. There are 7 billion people on earth and every single one of us has different tastes and preferences. If you are a good and honest person, then most people are going to at least like you as a friend. People tend to be irrationally scared of approaching strangers. The logic is that any single case of rejection is just that – a single instance. If you are willing to keep trying, you’ll find success.

 

When you remove fear, confidence tends to emerge. Confidence is believing in a positive result, while fear is worrying about the potential of a negative result. Once fear of a negative result is gone, it’s easier to believe in a positive result (i.e. be confident). Fearlessness means nothing is holding you back. 

100% fearlessness is not always healthy though. The key in life seems to be knowing which fears are healthy and helpful to have (a fear of heights is not such a bad thing to have) and which fears simply hold you back (asking a question, trying something new, being embarrassed). Some people’s fear is so crippling that they cannot function normally. Others die because they don’t have enough fear. As with many things, balance is ideal. Be fearful of things that are worthy of your fear, but do not ever let the word “no” scare you. Do not ever let it hold you back from pursuing opportunities. Opportunities only pay off if you are willing to take them, which you can do by losing your fear and picking up confidence.

It is said that the antidote to fear is : you must make a decision to have faith, knowing you have done all you can to prepare for whatever you are fearing, and that most fears in life rarely come to being, attack that root. Then you can move forward!

To end, here is a beautiful poem “Where the Mind is Without Fear” written by Dr  Rabindranath Tagore:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Source: Learned Fearlessness by Robin Sharma, 

Poetry : Dr Rabindranath Tagore (http://allpoetry.com/Where-The-Mind-Is-Without-Fear#sthash.nb445acj.dpuf )